she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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