i think i have herpe
just one?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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