my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
