I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
