how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
