I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The ass gains better be worth it
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