"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
