No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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