sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
