i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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