Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
