girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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