I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
