It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
