i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
