He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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