After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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