i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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