moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
