Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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