I met the friendliest cop last night
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
