so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
