is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
