apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
