Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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