I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
