All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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