I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
