its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
