Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
