so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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