Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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