question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
