Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
