he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
