I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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