Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
