Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
