Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize