just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
