Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
