Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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