I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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