I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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