so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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