honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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