went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
