Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
