i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
