it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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