dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize