The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
false alarm, still single
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
