I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
