My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
