Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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