hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
