I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
