I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
