just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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