I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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