You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
