I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
