You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
