69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
