dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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