i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
