I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize