before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
