i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
