there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
