I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In America we eat man semen.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
