you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
