So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize