This is not my ceiling
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
