At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am naked and annoyed.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
