Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
