drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
