I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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