she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
