in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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